I had a colonoscopy on Thursday. (Yeah, this is the “more” part of that “marketing and more” tagline up there.) It was my fourth; I get one every five years. If you’ve been putting off scheduling one, I implore you: don’t. Besides, a colonoscopy isn’t all that bad, even though most people think about it like they’re the matador in that photo. Anyway, here are 10 reasons why you ought to make a note today and call your doctor on Monday:

1. Family history: Got colon cancer in your family? Then what are you waiting for, dumbass?

2. Katie Couric: She got one on national teevee. What, she’s tougher than you?

3. Better prep: When I got my first one, I had to drink a water tower’s worth of some crap called “Go Lightly.” They don’t use the world’s most misnamed product anymore. It’s Gatorade and laxative. Big whoop.

4. Lots of library time: You’re sure to catch up on all those magazines you’ve been meaning to read.

5. Make use of your insurance: You’re paying through the nose each month for health care, you might as well actually use some of it.

6. Good drugs: The anesthesia is creepily effective. One second you’re being wheeled into the procedure room, the next second you’re being wheeled out. You don’t know a thing re: the procedure itself. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

7. Good music: When they wheeled me in, the speaker system in the procedure room was playing Frank Sinatra singing “I’ve Got You Under My Skin.” Seriously.

8. Cheap laughs: When you talk to family and friends about it, you’ll feel like you’re in an episode of Tosh.0, trying to squeeze as many cheap laughs out of the experience as possible.

9. It beats the alternative: What, you’d rather go through six months of chemo than a few hours in the bathroom? Okay, it’s your choice.

10. Peace of mind: It’s worth the discomfort. By a longshot.

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 12th, 2010 at 4:16 pm and is filed under This 'n' That.