Excuse me.

Pardon me.

*tap* *tap* (Is this thing on?)

Hey! Listen up! Yeah, you in the back, you too!

Good. Now that I have everyone’s attention, there’s a very important issue that needs to be discussed.

Space.

Take a look at the first listing for space over at Dictionary.com. It’s based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, and it lists 24 definitions for the word “space.”

None of them applies to the use of the word in the following way:

“How long have you been an expert in the SEO space?”

Or:

“We’re looking to launch a new initiative in the social networking space.”

People, people, listen. Yes, especially you there in the back!

There’s no escaping it: When you use “space” in that way you sound like a dork. A schmuck. A fool. An idiot. A nitwit. A jackass. A dolt. An imbecile. And a pretentious one to boot.

Is this getting through? You in the back, can you hear all this?

Okay, I take back what I said about Dictionary.com: Using “space” in that way is directly applicable to definition 4b: “the illusion of depth on a two-dimensional surface.”

Because when you use “space” that way, you’re trying to deliver the illusion that you have more intellectial depth than you do, that you’re some sort of expert that you’re not, that you have three-dimensional experience when, in fact, you’re a two-dimensional thinker.

So just stop it, okay?

No, really. Stop it. Right now.

Thanks. Sorry for the interruption.

Fast Company has assembled a list of "The Web’s 10 Most Unusual Social Networks ." Some of these aren’t social networks per se (for example, Spot A Potty is a community directory project, not a social network), which begs the question: With all the social networks out there, why did FC have to stretch the definition? Still, as top 10 lists go, this is a pretty good one.

We don’t pay attention to the ads running during The Olympics the way we do those running during The Super Bowl, but it bears noting: For a spot to stand out among yesterday’s singularly spectacular opening ceremony, it had to be pretty damn good.

United Airlines managed that difficult feat. You can click the embedded video above and get a rough idea of “Sea Orchestra,” one of three ads they’re debuting during the Olympics. To really appreciate the stunning animation at play here, though, catch it in HD on a big-screen. Superb.

"In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time."
—Will Rogers

You thought that CNN was all about news and advertising, right? Wrong! They’re also about selling T-shirts.

Problem is, a lot of these shirts make no sense at all. They’re random headlines ("Obama Mania Reaches Thailand"), multiple takes on the same story (three headlines about the redneck Stonehenge?) or, like this one, sort of indecipherable: "Medals mix Olympic, Chinese tradtions." What’s with the typo? Is that part of the joke? If so, what’s the joke?

Actually, it looks like the shirts are somehow automatically generated via the "Latest News" headlines on their Web site. I hope they’re automatically generated; that would explain the non-sequiter weirdness of a lot of them

But wait: there’s more! CNN shirts have (insert dramatic pause here) a social networking element to them!

I’m not joking. From their FAQ: "When you purchase T-shirts from the CNN Shirt store, you will see ‘Share on Facebook’ links that accompany all purchased headlines on your receipt page. When you click on the share button, the headline you purchased shows up in your news and minifeed."

But … but … what about MySpace?